Tell Me A Lie In A Beautiful Way

Until recently, my life didn’t really have any kind of future. To be perfectly honest, I never even expected to make it this far. I am pretty surprised. I always thought that living a lie would be the end of me. Even after accepting yourself, not knowing how the world will accept you is a big thing. You end up latching onto things that you see and use it to protect yourself. Little white lies for the sake of self-preservation. The biggest lie for me was that the world would hate who I am.

1 Day To Go…

Ok, so tomorrow is definitely the day I go to my doctor. I’m excited, nervous and also freaking out. My anxiety is off the chart right now. I know it’s what I want and therefore what I need to do, but stepping into the unknown is always scary. As I was taught in therapy: the more I do it, the more it becomes…ok, and normal. Problem is, a part of me struggles to feel normal.

3 Days To Go…

Today is a slightly better day than yesterday. I think being back at work gave me something to focus on, so I didn’t have to drown in my own thoughts. In 3 days time, I will be going to see a doctor about all of this. They’ll be the first complete stranger I tell. I’m worried. Worried about how they’ll react, whether they’ll judge me or what they’ll even say.