I’ve spent a lot of my life hiding away. Not just because of any gender identity issue or anything, just hiding in general. Starting from being bullied when I was at school to never being popular or having many friends, I’ve just kept myself to myself. In fact, when people do notice me, it totally messes me up. It catches me off-guard and I find myself getting worried, even suspicious…why they’re speaking to me or what do they want?Read More »
Last night, I crumbled. After a *really* rough few days of everything going wrong, I gave into temptation and downed some co-codamol. Not to kill myself this time (and clearly they’d do fuck all for any mental pain) but I just needed to get away from the present. Quite simply, I can’t cope. Everything is too much right now. Partly my own fault for having this dilemma, partly others for what they do, or don’t do. I guess some people will never fully realise the impact they have on others, even if it’s just for a split second. Now my focus, my relationship, my life…everything is falling apart.Read More »
Since I last posted, I’ve been a complete zombie. I’ve not been able to sleep properly or do anything other than stare into space or wanting to cry, or both. Things that I once loved doing have become bland. They’ve lost all flavour and colour. I can even bring myself to pick up an instrument. The world around me looks plain and uninviting as if somebody put a cold Instagram filter over my eyes. It’s so difficult to look forward to anything when you know it could all be lost because of this.Read More »
Today is a bad day. A very bad day. It’s safe to say I’ve crashed landed, following the high of last weekend’s gig. I’ve spent the last 24 hours feeling isolated and frustrated, whilst watching the world around me gradually getting darker and darker. Any hopes for the future (or any future at all) are slipping away. I’m trying to hold onto the recent positivity but I feel like it’s a pointless attempt, despite what I want. So what happened?Read More »
Whilst at work today, I found out that somebody I know died a couple of days ago. It was a huge shock. I wouldn’t have said they were a close friend or anything, more somebody I would deal with each week or so because they came to our studio. During those times, and over the course of 3 years or so, we got to know him. What hit me even harder was that he took his own life.Read More »
