1 Day To Go…

Countdown - 1

Ok, so tomorrow is definitely the day I go to my doctor. I’m excited, nervous and also freaking out. My anxiety is off the chart right now. I know it’s what I want and therefore what I need to do, but stepping into the unknown is always scary. As I was taught in therapy: the more I do it, the more it becomes…ok, and normal. Problem is, a part of me struggles to feel normal.Read More »

One Of The Guys

Supergirl

Here’s a question: why is it that guys love women who can be “one of the guys”?? They make such a big thing about it don’t they? Whether it’s playing sport, playing in a band, drinking a shit tonne of alcohol and getting wrecked, playing video games or just generally doing things which are normally associated with male behaviour. Yet it can’t be the other way round: a guy can’t be one of the girls.Read More »

Dress Code For Despair

Wedding

When I was at the eating disorder unit, one thing I really struggled with during my treatment was the use of a food diary. It was supposed to help me plan ahead with food and to start to see food as something manageable. However, for me it was a nightmare. It wasn’t so much the planning, it was how it made me feel. It took away my control.Read More »

Coming Undone

Shifty Dog

In one of my first posts, I talked about what led me to start this blog in the first place. Well, it happened again yesterday. Only this time it wasn’t a guy doing it. Not sure if that made things worse? Fuck knows. What I do know is that the more it happens, the more it wears me down – especially as my life is unravelling right now. When I ranted about it on social media, I had a lot of supportive comments – some of which were serious whilst others were just funny. As much as these comments calmed me down or helped me to move on, I couldn’t really. There was something else.Read More »

I’m A Fake

Imposter

Right now, that’s all I can think about. I’m a total fake. I’ve suddenly gone from less anxious in general to a sudden panic. I think realisation has hit me. People who know me are going to fucking hate me when they read this or find out how I feel. I know they will. By not being honest to them about who/what I am, is that not the same as lying to them? I should have told them I was messed up. That way they can make their own minds up about whether to include me in their lives. But I didn’t. I’ve misled people.Read More »