I wasn’t going to write this particular post but after a few days of thinking about it, I decided I should. This blog is about me confronting things, not hiding away or pretending they never happened. It’s about taking responsibility for my actions and my life, right? So yeh, I’m ashamed to say that I slipped up recently.Read More »
So far in this blog, I’ve been through one hell of a journey trying to figure out who I am and why I’ve always felt the way I do. I’ve turned to alcohol, prescription painkillers and even reignited my relationship with an eating disorder. It’s turned me into a scared, anxious and confused person – even more confused than before I started this journey. And you know what? This is just the beginning.Read More »
Right now, I’m in a weird place. I really don’t know how to explain it, which is why (for some bizarre reason) I’m going to try. Maybe it’s desperation. I’m relying heavily on getting jacked up on painkillers to get me through the day but I’m down to my last few and I’m struggling to get hold of anymore, especially as they’re prescription strength (don’t even ask where I got the current ones from).Read More »
I’ve lived a lot of my life with a plan B. When shit hits the fan and I can’t take any more, I’ll rely on plan B to put an end to all of this. A back up plan. Possibly even a second chance. But for whom? Well, for me it’d be a second chance to find peace and calm. An escape. No more constant torment or inner conflict to ruin each day. The real second chance is for everyone else. I can’t help but feel they would all be better off without me.Read More »
Following on from last night, I’ve been doing a lot more thinking. Not continuously. It sort of comes in bits. My mind is full of thoughts zooming around, crashing into each other. Every now and then, something will hit me and I’ll explore it a little, before it’s rudely interrupted by the next thing.
Regardless of what I said last night and how I feel about things, it’s not just about me. It’s about others too and it’s slowly dawning on me that I’m not something my wife can deal with. It’s not something she should have to deal with. The same goes for my friends too.Read More »