Well, That Was Unexpected!!

I was in 2 minds over my last post: should it have been public or private? It’s for my wife and nobody else so, in that sense, it should be private. However, it stems from the honesty and transparency which this blog has given me. So why hide what I want to say? Besides, that letter was an extension of this blog…something that will hopefully help her to see what I’m going through. After writing that post, I was expecting to spend another night drowning inside my own head. Instead, I spent the night (and morning) talking to her about it.

There’s Nothing Trendy About Struggling

Whilst scrolling through my Facebook feed a few weeks back, I saw a post about an article in The Independent that left me fuming. It focused on a blog which claimed that being transgender has become the latest way to be “cool”, especially amongst teenagers. WHAT. THE. FUCK???

A Big Step Towards The Unknown

Last night was probably one of the scariest nights I’ve ever experienced in my whole life. Emotional too. I know it sounds a bit dramatic but after everything that’s happened, it’s true. The last time I felt anything remotely close to this was having to admit to a doctor that I had an eating disorder. You may think saying something out loud is easy – after all if you can think it, you can say it…right? Wrong.

Why Me??

There are approximately 7.5 billion people on this planet. Each one is busy getting on with their lives, dealing with whatever each day throws at them. I’m 1 of those people, only I’m really having trouble dealing with each day. So many questions need so many answers, even at this stage. The main one is “why?” Of all the people on this planet, of all the possible lives it could happen to, why do I have to suffer with a gender identity problem?

Evicted From My Bubble

Since I last posted, I’ve been a complete zombie. I’ve not been able to sleep properly or do anything other than stare into space or wanting to cry, or both. Things that I once loved doing have become bland. They’ve lost all flavour and colour. I can even bring myself to pick up an instrument. The world around me looks plain and uninviting as if somebody put a cold Instagram filter over my eyes. It’s so difficult to look forward to anything when you know it could all be lost because of this.