Treading On Thin Ice

Right now, I’m a mess. Panicking, anxious, scared, worried. All of that, plus more. Remember when I wrote about a wedding we were invited to? We got the invite a while ago and since then I’ve done everything I can to not think about it. I knew it was coming up soon and I’ve been dreading it. The only way I can cope is to run away from the very thought of it. Yeh, ignore everything to do with it. Deal with it another time. Slight problem though: because I didn’t want to think about it, I forgot to add it to my diary. Turns out the wedding is tomorrow.

Same Shit, Different Day

Right now, I’m really close to just giving up. Yesterday has shown that no matter how frustrating my life is, I will always be given more shit to deal with. Liberally piled on top of the shit I have already. I’m pretty gutted as the couple of days before that were really difficult due to not being at work (it was May Day bank holiday). After spending 2 days at home struggling to reach the end of each day, I was looking forward to being back at work and having something to distract me. But no.

Don’t Let Me Drown

I’ve spent a lot of my life hiding away. Not just because of any gender identity issue or anything, just hiding in general. Starting from being bullied when I was at school to never being popular or having many friends, I’ve just kept myself to myself. In fact, when people do notice me, it totally messes me up. It catches me off-guard and I find myself getting worried, even suspicious…why they’re speaking to me or what do they want?

Evicted From My Bubble

Since I last posted, I’ve been a complete zombie. I’ve not been able to sleep properly or do anything other than stare into space or wanting to cry, or both. Things that I once loved doing have become bland. They’ve lost all flavour and colour. I can even bring myself to pick up an instrument. The world around me looks plain and uninviting as if somebody put a cold Instagram filter over my eyes. It’s so difficult to look forward to anything when you know it could all be lost because of this.

I’m Not Ok. I Promise.

Today is a bad day. A very bad day. It’s safe to say I’ve crashed landed, following the high of last weekend’s gig. I’ve spent the last 24 hours feeling isolated and frustrated, whilst watching the world around me gradually getting darker and darker. Any hopes for the future (or any future at all) are slipping away. I’m trying to hold onto the recent positivity but I feel like it’s a pointless attempt, despite what I want. So what happened?