Treading On Thin Ice

Right now, I’m a mess. Panicking, anxious, scared, worried. All of that, plus more. Remember when I wrote about a wedding we were invited to? We got the invite a while ago and since then I’ve done everything I can to not think about it. I knew it was coming up soon and I’ve been dreading it. The only way I can cope is to run away from the very thought of it. Yeh, ignore everything to do with it. Deal with it another time. Slight problem though: because I didn’t want to think about it, I forgot to add it to my diary. Turns out the wedding is tomorrow.

Comfortably Numb

I’ve spent the last couple of days completely zoned out. It’s actually been quite nice (?) but at the same time, it’s also been quite scary. I’ve not been thinking about gender dysphoria or why it had to happen to me (does this mean it was a phase and I’m now over it???), I’ve not been frustrated nor have I wanted to just cry…in fact, I’ve not been thinking about anything at all.

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

Last night, I crumbled. After a *really* rough few days of everything going wrong, I gave into temptation and downed some co-codamol. Not to kill myself this time (and clearly they’d do fuck all for any mental pain) but I just needed to get away from the present. Quite simply, I can’t cope. Everything is too much right now. Partly my own fault for having this dilemma, partly others for what they do, or don’t do. I guess some people will never fully realise the impact they have on others, even if it’s just for a split second. Now my focus, my relationship, my life…everything is falling apart.