Going Backwards

Shattered

I’ve spent the past few days feeling a bit ambivalent about everything. I’m not entirely sure why. I honestly thought I was doing so well but instead it’s like I’ve taken a huge step back. My other half and I still haven’t spoken about it again, since I told her over a week ago. In fact, I’ve not really spoken to anybody about it. I’ve just gone back to being on my own.Read More »

My Head Is Like A Carousel

Magic Roundabout

My head has been all over the place over the last few days. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, I’ve been experiencing ups and downs that have confused the hell out of me. A bit like mood swings, I suppose. There have been periods of calm, where I feel completely numb and ambivalent about my life – almost like my life’s an unimportant dream where I can pretend none of this is even happening, in a bid to reach the end smoothly.Read More »

I’m Not Invisible

Label Maker

Well, I’m still alive after the wedding. Just. It could have been much worse but at the same time, it was still very painful. Time just seemed to drag. It was probably just me but I just felt like a stuck out. That I shouldn’t be there. My wife knew quite a few people there so she was ok. In fact, we bumped into some people she used to go to school with as soon as we arrived. As she started to introduce me, that’s when I realised I overlooked something. That’s when I just wanted to cry.Read More »

Dress Code For Despair

Wedding

When I was at the eating disorder unit, one thing I really struggled with during my treatment was the use of a food diary. It was supposed to help me plan ahead with food and to start to see food as something manageable. However, for me it was a nightmare. It wasn’t so much the planning, it was how it made me feel. It took away my control.Read More »