A Big Step Towards The Unknown


Last night was probably one of the scariest nights I’ve ever experienced in my whole life. Emotional too. I know it sounds a bit dramatic but after everything that’s happened, it’s true. The last time I felt anything remotely close to this was having to admit to a doctor that I had an eating disorder. You may think saying something out loud is easy – after all if you can think it, you can say it…right? Wrong.Read More »

This Is The Way That My Sadness Made Me

Lonely Panda

I feel so down right now. Just when I thought I was already at rock bottom, I sink deeper. There are moments when I think I should tell someone but then I snap out of it and realise I can’t. To tell somebody would be the end of this life as I know it. Until I know what the fuck is going on with me, I certainly don’t have anything to look forward to in a new life. If I told my wife, I would be destroying her world, just like that. I can’t do that to her. I love her too much. My best friend has a lot on as she prepares for the London Marathon in a few weeks. She’s stressing out about it as it is. I can’t put this on her too. That would be really fucking selfish of me.Read More »

Sometimes Goodbye Is A Second Chance

I’ve lived a lot of my life with a plan B. When shit hits the fan and I can’t take any more, I’ll rely on plan B to put an end to all of this. A back up plan. Possibly even a second chance. But for whom? Well, for me it’d be a second chance to find peace and calm. An escape. No more constant torment or inner conflict to ruin each day. The real second chance is for everyone else. I can’t help but feel they would all be better off without me.Read More »