Fuelled By Fear

Broken

Well this week has been a really tough one. As well as the terrorist attack, I’ve been ill and run down, plus I’ve been trying to pull myself out of this rut which I seem to have become stuck in. Not even being able to take paracetamol for how I’ve been feeling has made me feel even worse. But I only have myself to blame for that. Just the idea of taking something opens the door to wanting to take a fuck load of painkillers – especially to help me cope with this week.Read More »

Treading On Thin Ice

Avalanche

Right now, I’m a mess. Panicking, anxious, scared, worried. All of that, plus more. Remember when I wrote about a wedding we were invited to? We got the invite a while ago and since then I’ve done everything I can to not think about it. I knew it was coming up soon and I’ve been dreading it. The only way I can cope is to run away from the very thought of it. Yeh, ignore everything to do with it. Deal with it another time. Slight problem though: because I didn’t want to think about it, I forgot to add it to my diary. Turns out the wedding is tomorrow.

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Same Shit, Different Day

Shit Calendar

Right now, I’m really close to just giving up. Yesterday has shown that no matter how frustrating my life is, I will always be given more shit to deal with. Liberally piled on top of the shit I have already. I’m pretty gutted as the couple of days before that were really difficult due to not being at work (it was May Day bank holiday). After spending 2 days at home struggling to reach the end of each day, I was looking forward to being back at work and having something to distract me. But no.Read More »

Dress Code For Despair

Wedding

When I was at the eating disorder unit, one thing I really struggled with during my treatment was the use of a food diary. It was supposed to help me plan ahead with food and to start to see food as something manageable. However, for me it was a nightmare. It wasn’t so much the planning, it was how it made me feel. It took away my control.Read More »