Ok, so tomorrow is definitely the day I go to my doctor. I’m excited, nervous and also freaking out. My anxiety is off the chart right now. I know it’s what I want and therefore what I need to do, but stepping into the unknown is always scary. As I was taught in therapy: the more I do it, the more it becomes…ok, and normal. Problem is, a part of me struggles to feel normal.Read More »
Today is a slightly better day than yesterday. I think being back at work gave me something to focus on, so I didn’t have to drown in my own thoughts. In 3 days time, I will be going to see a doctor about all of this. They’ll be the first complete stranger I tell. I’m worried. Worried about how they’ll react, whether they’ll judge me or what they’ll even say.Read More »
It’s been a few days since my wife and I had a long chat about all of this. Apart from a couple of very slight references to the subject, it’s not really been brought up or mentioned at all. If anything, it’s just been business as normal, which makes me wonder: did I explain myself properly at all?Read More »
Well this week has been a really tough one. As well as the terrorist attack, I’ve been ill and run down, plus I’ve been trying to pull myself out of this rut which I seem to have become stuck in. Not even being able to take paracetamol for how I’ve been feeling has made me feel even worse. But I only have myself to blame for that. Just the idea of taking something opens the door to wanting to take a fuck load of painkillers – especially to help me cope with this week.Read More »
Right now, I’m a mess. Panicking, anxious, scared, worried. All of that, plus more. Remember when I wrote about a wedding we were invited to? We got the invite a while ago and since then I’ve done everything I can to not think about it. I knew it was coming up soon and I’ve been dreading it. The only way I can cope is to run away from the very thought of it. Yeh, ignore everything to do with it. Deal with it another time. Slight problem though: because I didn’t want to think about it, I forgot to add it to my diary. Turns out the wedding is tomorrow.
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