Treading On Thin Ice

Right now, I’m a mess. Panicking, anxious, scared, worried. All of that, plus more. Remember when I wrote about a wedding we were invited to? We got the invite a while ago and since then I’ve done everything I can to not think about it. I knew it was coming up soon and I’ve been dreading it. The only way I can cope is to run away from the very thought of it. Yeh, ignore everything to do with it. Deal with it another time. Slight problem though: because I didn’t want to think about it, I forgot to add it to my diary. Turns out the wedding is tomorrow.

Raining Bricks

So far in this blog, I’ve been through one hell of a journey trying to figure out who I am and why I’ve always felt the way I do. I’ve turned to alcohol, prescription painkillers and even reignited my relationship with an eating disorder. It’s turned me into a scared, anxious and confused person – even more confused than before I started this journey. And you know what? This is just the beginning.

This Is The Way That My Sadness Made Me

I feel so down right now. Just when I thought I was already at rock bottom, I sink deeper. There are moments when I think I should tell someone but then I snap out of it and realise I can’t. To tell somebody would be the end of this life as I know it. Until I know what the fuck is going on with me, I certainly don’t have anything to look forward to in a new life. If I told my wife, I would be destroying her world, just like that. I can’t do that to her. I love her too much. My best friend has a lot on as she prepares for the London Marathon in a few weeks. She’s stressing out about it as it is. I can’t put this on her too. That would be really fucking selfish of me.