Those That Know, Know

Mean Girls

This blog and my Instagram profile is to help people understand what I go through – whether it be the thoughts in my head, daily things, situations I face or choices I make relating to my transition – the key words being “my transition”.  It’s not about all of my life, just a part of it. A part that I choose to share, as I make this journey to becoming the real me. Remember that.

Transition is a very individual thing and no two people go take the same path. Similar paths, yeh. Sometimes, those paths might even cross. But the paths are never identical. In transitioning, all aspects of our lives are examined and, where necessary, changed. You can’t make such a HUGE life-changing decision and expect things to stay the same. For those who don’t fully understand what it’s like to go through something like this, imagine moving overseas to live in a new country. Before you go, you need to decide what to take with you. Some stuff you can take, and do…some you want to take, but can’t. Some people will want to keep in touch, and do…others say they will, but don’t. Well this doesn’t even scratch the surface of that. Transitioning is much more. It’s not just about the clothes you wear, the way you act, or the people in your life. It’s about your very existence and how that existence continues to have a place on this giant spinning rock. The journey is a mental one, as much as it is a physical one. Take having cosmetic surgery, for example. Do you think we do it for shits and giggles because we are emulating what we see in the media over how we should appear? Do you think we put ourselves through gruelling procedures to look like somebody? No. We do it for ourselves, to be ourselves. To undo years of changes made by puberty. To be who we would’ve been, had our brains been aligned with our bodies when we were born. Given that we’ve reached a point where we need to do this for ourselves, do you really think we worry about what others think or would prefer us to do? Gender dysphoria isn’t something that can be solved by changing one’s attitude. If anything, that implies they had the wrong attitude to start with. “Don’t worry about having a dick even though you’re female…just the fact that you accept yourself and know that you’re female is enough.” Erm, no. Thinking happy thoughts isn’t going to magically fix the fact that my current body is wrong.

Not that I should have to explain myself but yeh, I have considered not having cosmetic surgery. I’ve considered all the advantages and disadvantages…and my answer is the same: I can’t not do it. The cosmetic surgery I choose to have is part of my transition, in the same way that taking hormones or changing the gender marker on my passport is.

Making drastic changes doesn’t happen overnight. Just reaching the decision to go down a particular path takes time. If I don’t publish my thoughts on the subject, it doesn’t mean I’ve not weighed up all the options. And that right there is one of the problems: having to, or being made to feel like I have to, justify myself to people who don’t know me or are too far removed.

Those that support me will, and do, understand how I feel. They’re already involved, or at least know what’s going on beyond what I post on here or on social media. They willingly interact with me day in, day out. They see the ups and downs I go through, and they understand. They choose to get involved. Want to know how they genuinely feel about my transition? Ask them. After all, this blog is about my transition. I’m sure they’re grown up enough to find a voice and a platform for their own views on this? With that in mind, please don’t just make assumptions based on limited understanding, gossip or prejudice. The only way you can know about me is to ask or get involved. Don’t want to get involved? That’s perfectly fine. I respect you, your choices and your views, and I’m perfectly fine with that. I’m not upset. You have your life to live and I have mine. All I ask is that you show me the same respect by allowing me to have my own views and make my own decisions. I ask the same for people in my life too: respect them enough to let them make their own decisions.

There are people in my life that I mention on here but not on social media, and vice versa. Quite simply: different platforms, different audiences. That’s it. No hidden agenda or sinister evil plan to offer sacrifices to the Transgender Gods. Just plain logic. Put it this way, some people haven’t even been mentioned at all!! Just because I don’t mention them everywhere, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist in my life. It doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for what they’ve done nor does it mean that I don’t care about them. To think that is naive. To make digs or accusations about it is just disrespectful. Certain things I choose to keep private. Playing music over the years and meeting so many people from all walks of life in so many venues has taught me not to splash everything online, otherwise you risk losing and endangering yourself. Boundaries are needed. For example, there are those who see transgender people as a fetish. They fixate on us to the point where they find ways to track us down when we ignore their creepy messages asking for attention or sex. Some are very insistent on getting a reply, becoming increasingly irate – even verbally abusive – when you don’t. It’s like they see you as a lesser human because you’re transgender, and therefore must obey them. Pfft. The world is already full of dangers, including those who hate transgender people. The last thing I need is some horny as fuck weirdo stalking me at my place of work because they want to dress up and jack off whilst being tattooed or because I ignored their advances for a date and sex. It’s about safety as much as it’s about privacy.

And there I go again, feeling like I need to explain/justify what I do or choose to talk about. Feeling like I have to remind people of the obvious.

So I’m not saying any more.

I’m just going to stop here.

If you still don’t get it by now, please read the first paragraph again.


Featured image: via Google

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