How’s it going? I know it’s been a while since I last wrote, life has been crazy busy. This time of year is the busiest for us at work and with so many gigs to go to, it’s been difficult to find time to figure my head out and write – especially with so many daily ups and downs. And that’s why this post will be different.
Having interacted with so many people from around the world on Instagram, it dawned on me that many of my followers are married or in a committed relationship. This post goes out to the wives, husbands, partners, boyfriends, or girlfriends. Due to my own circumstances, I’m writing this from a male to female transgender perspective but the same applies for female to male, and their respective partners.
When coming out (whether it’s to the world or just to a few people), partners don’t have to stick around. There’s a strong chance they already suspected or knew. But they stay with us. We begin our journey to being the person we always were and make drastic changes to let the world know who we are, yet they stay with us. We make their lives hell and we turn it upside down but, despite giving them an easy “get out of jail free” card, they choose to stay with us. Not just that though, they help too. To me, that is a really brave and amazing thing to do. Proof that love has no boundaries.
Behind ever great man is a great woman, or so the saying goes. Actually, behind every great woman is an even greater woman. Able to see things from a different perspective and to offer support. I often get worried about how I look or unsure about whether something looks ok, and my other half is there to reassure me. Though I’m the one who has to make this journey, she is there to support me and chooses to travel with me. From what I’ve seen on Instagram and have been told by others, it’s the same for them too. Partners that don’t let this change affect how they feel about us…now that’s worth more than any amount of money. Yeh, things could fizzle out in years to come, or they might not, but during the darkest times, they are there. For that, they deserve a medal. I find it difficult to put into words. Personally, I’d say “thank you”…but that doesn’t even cover it. From the euphoric highs to the crushing lows of dysphoria that I go through, I know it’s not easy to deal with. I struggle with it, and I’m the one with access to my brain. I can’t even begin to imagine how it must be for somebody who doesn’t experience the feelings which cause this. So yeh, thank you just doesn’t seem enough. Until another word is invented to sum up the immense gratitude, it’ll have to do. Is there anything specific you’d want to say to your partner, who always supported you?
I acknowledge there are those who aren’t as fortunate or have had their relationship ended because of coming out. I’m sorry. I truly am. I wish everybody could have the same support and it frustrates me that it isn’t the case. I totally get that for some partners this kind of change is too much. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not a situation where someone is right and whilst someone else is wrong. If anything, both are right. As much as it sucks to lose someone, you need to put yourself first. At the same time, you’re part of a much bigger, accepting family – and that applies to all of us, regardless of where we’re at in our transition. We’ve all battled things that a lot of people don’t even have to imagine. That’s something which unites us. By coming out and accepting who you are, you’ve proved you’re a strong person. That war is over and I know you can get through anything else. You are being you and you have nothing to apologise for. If anybody doesn’t agree or doesn’t want a part in it, that’s their loss. The right people will stay or appear in your lives, especially when you least expect it. Till then, you do have the support of friends. Some you know, some you’ve have never met in person. So you’re not alone. Take the time to focus on being you. You’ve earned it and you most certainly deserve this time to shine.
On a final note, you may or may not have heard that Christmas is coming up. However you feel about the matter, it’s a time for forgiving and sharing. Some will be fortunate enough to spend time with partners, family and friends that are supportive of their lives…others, not so fortunate. If you are feeling lost or down over Christmas (or whenever), feel free to contact me ok?
No matter where you are in the world, or who you are, I hope you have an amazing Christmas.