This Is Not A Fucking Game

Getting supportive comments on Instagram is nice and has helped me to deal with my identity but receiving nice comments also means you can receive bad ones too. The same goes for messages. Since I started my Instagram profile, I’ve been getting a lot of creepy messages from guys. You can pretty much split them into 2 types of creepy guys

on Instagram (or anywhere else online, for that matter) – the obvious creepy guy and the devious creepy guy.

Let’s start with the obvious creepy guy first. They’re obvious because they’re very direct. In your face (or inbox) with messages of what they’d like to do to you or how they want to get to know you blah, blah, blah. Some of them are so awful that they’re actually funny. Some of them are persistent too. Really persistent. Honestly, do they think I’m going to take one look at their profile and think “where the fuck have you been all my life??” One message I had said his music career was about to take off (!) and that he needed a drummer. Oh, coincidentally he also loves transgender women. He’s never dated one but would love to. Erm, oooookay. It’s quite sad really. Somewhere in their minds, they genuinely believe they have a solid plan for landing themselves a date and more.

The other sort are more crafty and devious about their approach. They know not to charge in with their guns blazing. Instead, they play the long game. Unfortunately, I was duped by one particular guy. When I started this blog (and subsequently my Instagram profile), the intention was a self help kind of thing. A way to put my life into perspective and move forwards in a positive way. Quite a lot of people have said they’ve found my blog to be helpful or inspiring, which is quite nice. I love helping people and I always have done what I can for people, regardless of how long I’ve known them. One particular person contacted me to say he was inspired by what I’d been through and that he wished he had the strength to do it himself. He went on to say how at his age, he felt it was too late etc. It seemed genuine enough and so I replied. Having been through so much shit, I hate to see anyone else have to, so I thought I could offer some kind of advice or support, even if it was just to listen to his story. Things started off ok and, to begin with, his messages seemed sincere and genuine. If anything, he seemed pretty hard on himself and full of regret and confusion, so I took the time to listen. When he found out what job I did, he became quite insistent that I tattoo him. Fair enough. But then things didn’t add up. There were discrepancies in what he was saying and in his tone. His responses became very focused on clothing/dressing up. When talking about tattoos, he started to tell me that he’d turn up dressed as his alter ego or what he’d wear whilst I tattooed him, and more. At one point he even added me to a group message where they started talking about what they’d wear whilst being shaved by someone else and what it would lead to. I promptly left that group. Who the fuck just randomly adds someone to a group without asking them first? This guy, clearly.

Image via The Lad Bible’s Instagram page

Someone was telling me there are certain people have a thing about sex with crossdressers or transgender people. For them it’s a turn on – whether they look convincing or not. I never realised it was a thing but then I should have realised. If an absolute tool can be President of the USA, then anything is possible!! It quickly became clear that for this guy, and his friend, it was more of a fetish thing. Dress up and get kinky. Fine, if that’s what floats their boat. I’m not one to judge. For me though, this isn’t a fetish. This is my fucking life. Do people like him think I was born with all these scars or that I attempted suicide so many times because I was bored? I’m pretty sure I speak for many transgender people when I say we have lived a life of agony and torture due to feeling ashamed, confused or feeling like a freak. To then have somebody come along and try to absorb you into their own agenda is just wrong. Very. Fucking. Wrong. Yes it’s all about personal choice, that’s fine. Do what you want with whoever consents…but don’t just assume transgender people are automatically into the same kinks or fetishes. It’s bad enough that a part of society thinks being transgender is a fetish or that’s disgusting, without people like him giving society another reason to hate or fear us. We just want to be ourselves. We’re not doing this for any other reason. As for his approach, spinning some kind of story as a way in or to get my attention/sympathy can only be described as adult grooming. Or they just desperate? Then again, am I partially or even totally to blame because I allowed him to message me? I’m not sure. If he was upfront, I would’ve just told him I wasn’t interested. But to be so devious is another level. A sinister kind of level.

The devious creep is clearly the type to watch out for. The whole experience has kinda shaken me up a bit but if anything I’m more angry about it. Angry that the difficult lives and experiences of people can be cheapened by complete twats who are only out to get themselves (and each other) off. Despite this, there are also genuine people out there who are lost. Who need support and are too afraid to take the next step or to speak up. I’m not going to let this stop me from supporting them but it has made me wary and afraid for those who don’t spot the signs and end up part of something they never agreed to.

Featured image: via Google