2 Days To Go…

Countdown - 2

My head’s back to being a mess today. I didn’t sleep very well last night due to having so many thoughts. Another day closer to taking the first (big) step and my anxiety is going into overdrive. In an attempt to distract myself, I started to consider doing something about the negativity in my life – specifically the people I know on Facebook.

During the general election campaign and subsequent result a couple of months ago, there were a lot of opinions floating around social media. I normally prefer Twitter because you can say what you want, and it’s out there. Short and sweet. Facebook, however, is a different story. You can say what you want…but you should expect people to then tell you how to think or how to live your life. With everyone so connected on Facebook, it’s difficult to be able to find space away from people. One particular person had a go at me after the election result was announced. The party he voted for won. Great for him. I was giving my thoughts on my own Facebook status and he suddenly waded in with “shut the fuck up, you’re boring me now”. Well, I’m sorry that I’m boring you. I’m sorry I forced you to read my comment on Facebook. Oh wait,  no…you chose to read it on my page. My page where I’m entitled to say what I want. Don’t like something? Jog on. There were many times in the past when I saw him posting material which was inciting racism and prejudice but did I feel the need to jump in? Earlier that morning, his wife was trying to tell me the party I voted for would wreck the country. Fine, she has her opinion. I replied with mine. Seems she took offence at me replying. When somebody then writes “Look, I’m not going to argue with you…” you just have to wonder why they bothered to comment in the first place and what they were hoping to achieve. Tell me who you voted for and why, fine. But don’t then tell me I voted for the wrong person. It’s done. Let it go. That’s the problem with Facebook: everyone has something to say and, unlike Twitter, are more likely to say it due to being connected to you. Just because you know somebody, that doesn’t give you the right to force an opinion on them or suddenly have a go at them because you don’t like what you see. If people can’t respect me for my opinions or choices, then there’s no room for them in my life. And that’s why I decided it’s for the best that I delete some Facebook friends ahead of what’s about to happen. Besides, if they can’t deal with the general election then they’re going to explode when they find out about me!!

None of my family are connected to me on Facebook, or Twitter. In fact, other than the odd email or message, I rarely speak to them. It’s better that way. They won’t be able to accept me, I can tell you that right now. My sister won’t want me confusing her son, my dad will just be (even more) disappointed in me and my mom will just be ashamed of me and probably cry. As for my brother, I don’t speak to or get on with him anyway so who cares what he thinks. My family are not the type of people who are able to understand this sort of thing. I’m pretty much dead to them if they do find out. They live simple, small-minded lives in a world where there’s something seriously wrong with you if you deviate from the norm. Rather than try to understand, they simply chose to ignore it…or invent their own crazy reasons. Like when I was younger, my dad told me that deodorant is dangerous because it works by blocking/sealing your pores to stop you sweating. Because it’s natural to sweat, it’s therefore bad for your health and can cause long term damage. What the fuck dad?? Seriously??! Armpits are not going to explode due to the pores being “sealed up” by some spray. Did he think it was glue???! That just shows you how they think. If they did find out about me, they’ll just assume I’m gay or have some kind of drug habit that stems from a life or prostitution. They’ll be too ashamed of me to call me a son or a daughter. If my sister can’t respect me enough to call me by my legally-shortened first name then any chance of her respecting me enough to treat me equally is a definite no no. Yeh, they’re like that. They don’t need this sort of shameful complication in their lives. I mean, what would they tell my relatives? Well, they probably wouldn’t. They would hide me or act like I didn’t exist. To be honest, I don’t need it any complications either. My life is complicated enough as it is, and it’s about to get even more complicated in a couple of days. I’d rather not spend the rest of my life trying to justify myself to my family, simply because they don’t respect me and don’t understand that the world isn’t as black and white as they think it is.

Featured image: via Google

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