Let It Go

Tiananmen Square

Last Saturday night, less than 2 weeks after what happened in Manchester, London suffered a terrorist attack. Another one. Yup, this was the second to hit London in the space of 3 months. You can’t help but ask yourself why this kind of shit needs to happen. It’s fucking senseless. The attack on Saturday night was pretty similar to the first one that took place at Westminster in March, only this time there were 3 attackers. They drove a vehicle at innocent people before getting out and stabbing anybody they came across. The emergency services responded immediately and within 8 minutes of them being called, the terrorists were shot dead by armed police. Tragically, a lot can happen in 8 minutes: so far, it’s known that 7 people died and 48 were taken to hospital, with 21 of those critically injured.

Following 3 terrorist attacks in 3 months, it’s clear that we cannot let terrorists win. By giving in to the fear they create, they have won. There’s only 1 way in which terrorists can be allowed to affect us and that’s for us to all remember to make the most of our lives. These attacks can happen at any time, without warning, therefore it’s even more important to put aside differences and stand together, taking the time to enjoy what we have and being with those we love. Life can be cruel and it can be too short. And that’s why I almost told my other half all about me. Since my last post, I’d been trying to find ways to approach the subject and just tell her but sadly something has always come up and I’ve backed down. It’s been pretty stressful and draining. Just when I think the perfect opportunity comes up or can be created, there’s always been something that’s popped up which needed the attention. At one point I almost started packing a bag, ready for when she asked me to leave after I’d told her. Hundreds of scenarios have run through my head over the weekend. What if this…what if that…what about if…you name it, I’ve probably thought about it. The outcome has all been pretty much the same: we split up. Yesterday morning I woke up in a panic over a dream I had. In the dream, we’d drifted apart and I was helpless to do anything about it. Though we were still talking to each other, we were no longer a couple. During the course of the dream, I was trying to reach her but she was always just out of reach, no matter what I did. When I got close, she’d see me and do something to take a dig at me or remind me that she no longer wanted to be with me. I remember feeling so desperate and lost in the dream, not knowing what to do or how to fix things. All I know was that I had to fix it. Even right now, it gets to me. The events of the dream may have dissipated but the lingering feeling of sadness and loss is still here. I spent a lot yesterday trying to shake those feelings, trying to regain focus and control instead. I need to.

After what happened over the weekend in London, I’m even more determined to tell her and I can’t let these little upsets throw me off course. As I’ve said all along, she has a right to know and she has a right to choose her own future. The fact that I haven’t already told her isn’t because I don’t want to. There’s a hell of a lot at stake, I need to be 100% certain this isn’t just a phase or a mistake. The journey so far has been extremely confusing, with various things distracting me or causing doubt, but ultimately I know what’s going on inside of me. She’s going to hate me when I tell her and it’s almost certainly going to mean the end of us, but this is something I need to do. No more fear. Time to let it go.

Featured image: Tiananmen Square, via Google
Featured video: “Let It Go” via Walt Disney’s YouTube page

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