Dress Code For Despair

Wedding

When I was at the eating disorder unit, one thing I really struggled with during my treatment was the use of a food diary. It was supposed to help me plan ahead with food and to start to see food as something manageable. However, for me it was a nightmare. It wasn’t so much the planning, it was how it made me feel. It took away my control.Read More »

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A Big Step Towards The Unknown

Leap

Last night was probably one of the scariest nights I’ve ever experienced in my whole life. Emotional too. I know it sounds a bit dramatic but after everything that’s happened, it’s true. The last time I felt anything remotely close to this was having to admit to a doctor that I had an eating disorder. You may think saying something out loud is easy – after all if you can think it, you can say it…right? Wrong.Read More »

Why Me??

Questions

There are approximately 7.5 billion people on this planet. Each one is busy getting on with their lives, dealing with whatever each day throws at them. I’m 1 of those people, only I’m really having trouble dealing with each day. So many questions need so many answers, even at this stage. The main one is “why?” Of all the people on this planet, of all the possible lives it could happen to, why do I have to suffer with a gender identity problem?Read More »

Too Old To Change, Too Young To Die

Tori Quote

Right now, I’m in a weird place. I really don’t know how to explain it, which is why (for some bizarre reason) I’m going to try. Maybe it’s desperation. I’m relying heavily on getting jacked up on painkillers to get me through the day but I’m down to my last few and I’m struggling to get hold of anymore, especially as they’re prescription strength (don’t even ask where I got the current ones from).Read More »

Don’t Let Me Drown

Drowning

I’ve spent a lot of my life hiding away. Not just because of any gender identity issue or anything, just hiding in general. Starting from being bullied when I was at school to never being popular or having many friends, I’ve just kept myself to myself. In fact, when people do notice me, it totally messes me up. It catches me off-guard and I find myself getting worried, even suspicious…why they’re speaking to me or what do they want?Read More »