Something For People To Laugh At

Being a male that wears make up and has long hair, I get stared at. I get laughed at too. It’s only a matter of time till somebody hits me for looking the way I do. Some people walk by blatantly staring whilst others try to be sneaky, looking away when caught but trying to keep their eyes fixed. A bit like dogs when they’re after your food and you catch them staring. Dogs are genuine though. They just want food. They don’t care what you look like, they’ll love you no matter what. Not like people. Whilst out shopping, I saw a woman staring at me with a smirk on her face. She then nudged her friend and told her to look quickly before I was out of sight. They both stared and laughed at me. Pathetic, isn’t it? They saw a male that’s trying to be one of them. How dare I? As far as they’re concerned, I’ll never be a member of their club. As much as I do my best to ignore it, it does get on top of me. I try not to let people see how much it hurts me – they’d only do it more if they knew. On the outside, I don’t give a shit but I’m not going to lie, a part of me dies inside when it happens. When I realise I’m nothing but a freak to them.

I have to say that most women are ok with me. I was surprised by a woman at Urban Decay’s make up counter when she complimented my eye make up. Though my immediate reaction was to think she was being sarcastic or taking the piss, I eventually realised she was actually genuine. If anything, it’s the immature little chav girls that make remarks or laugh. The ones who won’t ever go anywhere in life. Still stings though.

Most men, on the other hand, are a lot less forgiving. The immature half of the species? They laugh at me for not being a man. Not being able lift a car down at the gym or down pint after pint of beer like it was going out of fashion. It’s like they are disgusted with me for letting their side down but then get worried thinking I’ll try it on with them. Their own insecurity, I guess. Because they’re dumb enough to think every gay man will automatically want to sleep with them. Men can be fucking idiots. Besides, I’m not gay – despite what people may think!! That’s the thing though: people look and they judge. Fine if you keep your judgements to yourself but when you go out of your way to upset someone or discriminate, then that’s the same as bullying.

When James Charles was revealed as CoverGirl’s first ever male ambassador last year, he experienced a lot of support and positivity but an equal amount of hate too. Why? Because he wears make up. And he’s really fucking good at it too!! Hate comments I saw ranged from “This is beyond disgusting. Men should not wear makeup” to “On the behald of every male from planet Earth, we sincerly apologise for this [sic]”. This is just a person (who happens to be male) wearing, promoting and representing make up. He’s not killed anyone, he’s not kicked a baby across the road and he’s being dishonest…in fact, he’s just being himself but is being judged and hated for it. This is just make up. Non permanent. Something that can be removed at the end of the day. A chance to escape the hate, if he wanted to – not that he should nor would want to.

I’d love to escape any hate too. I could stop wearing make up and cut my hair…but that wouldn’t be me. It took me long enough to get to the stage where I was comfortable enough to look this way. I don’t want to take a step backwards. The more I explore who (and what) I really am, I don’t think I could go backwards even if I wanted to. So that leaves the question of moving forwards. How do I do that? More importantly, with so much at stake: should I do that?