My Beloved Eating Disorder

Control

As it’s currently Eating Disorder Awareness Week, I thought it would be a good time to revisit what I went through, based on what I’ve discovered about myself recently.

Growing up, I struggled a lot. I was bullied for being Chinese, I was socially awkward (I still am) and had a really strict dad. I didn’t have many friends and I had trouble communicating with those around me. There was a lot about the world and my own life that I didn’t understand when I was a kid. I ignored it.Read More »

Something For People To Laugh At

Staring Ostrich

Being a male that wears make up and has long hair, I get stared at. I get laughed at too. It’s only a matter of time till somebody hits me for looking the way I do. Some people walk by blatantly staring whilst others try to be sneaky, looking away when caught but trying to keep their eyes fixed. A bit like dogs when they’re after your food and you catch them staring. Dogs are genuine though. They just want food. They don’t care what you look like, they’ll love you no matter what. Not like people.Read More »

I’m A Fake

Imposter

Right now, that’s all I can think about. I’m a total fake. I’ve suddenly gone from less anxious in general to a sudden panic. I think realisation has hit me. People who know me are going to fucking hate me when they read this or find out how I feel. I know they will. By not being honest to them about who/what I am, is that not the same as lying to them? I should have told them I was messed up. That way they can make their own minds up about whether to include me in their lives. But I didn’t. I’ve misled people.Read More »

Anxious About Not Being Anxious

Sheldon Cooper

I have to say that since starting this blog my anxiety levels have remained nice and calm. Surely that’s a good thing??! But now I’m getting anxious because I’m not anxious. Whaaaaaaaaaat???? This is new ground. I’ve never been this “not anxious” before in my entire life. It worries me. It scares me. I don’t like not knowing where this is going. Or where I may end up.

Numbing The Pain

Drunk Superman

Like a lot of people, I get stressed. I work in a busy environment where there’s no room for error and a lot of pressure to stay ahead of top of things. This is all multiplied by the fact that I’m self-employed!! Everyone deals with stress in their own way. Things happen, they get us down, but we all find a way to bounce back or get over it. Well, in addition to what I’d call “every day stress”, I’ve had to deal with a lot of underlying issues. Only I didn’t know what those issues were. Not fully, anyway. Even now I’m not 100% sure…although I’d like to think I’m heading in the right direction.Read More »